Book: Get out of your own way

"Get Out of Your Own Way at Work"

Overall Theme:

The book focuses on identifying and conquering self-defeating behaviors that hinder professional success and damage interpersonal relationships in the workplace. It offers practical advice and actionable steps to overcome these behaviors, improve communication, and ultimately achieve greater fulfillment and effectiveness at work. The author uses real-life examples, anecdotes, and quotes to illustrate common pitfalls and provide guidance for positive change.

Key Ideas and Concepts:

• Self-Defeating Behaviors are Obstacles to Success: The core premise is that many people unknowingly sabotage their careers and relationships due to ingrained, often unconscious, patterns of behavior. These patterns, if left unchecked, can lead to isolation, failure, and unhappiness. "John lost all this because he couldn’t get out of his own way. John’s self-defeating behavior overran him. He was a man alone and scared."
• The "Two Steps Forward, One Step Back" Model: This concept explains how learning and growth involve periods of progress followed by setbacks. The key is to persevere through these setbacks by "falling, pausing, refueling, retooling, and retrying."
• Importance of Self-Awareness: Recognizing one's own self-defeating behaviors is the first crucial step toward change. The book emphasizes the need for honest self-reflection and observation of how one's actions impact others.
• The Power of Listening: Effective communication is essential for building strong relationships and achieving common goals. The book dedicates a chapter to "Not Listening," highlighting the importance of truly understanding others' perspectives. "The more you listen to where people are coming from, the more they’ll let you take them where you want them to go." The author suggests practicing "listening without memory or desire" to be fully present and open to what others are communicating.
• Taking Responsibility and Avoiding Excuses: The book stresses the importance of owning up to mistakes and focusing on solutions rather than justifications. "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else."
• Emotional Intelligence: The author emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing one's own emotions and being aware of the emotional states of others. This includes recognizing and addressing issues such as defensiveness, guilt, anger, and the fear of failure.
• The Impact of Perceptions: The book highlights how our perceptions of ourselves and others can be distorted, leading to misunderstandings and conflict. It includes lists of common misconceptions about how we are perceived and how we perceive others. "What You Think You Are" vs. "What They Really Think You Are," for example, "Confident" vs. "Arrogant."
• The Need for Change and Reform: The book emphasizes that it is possible to change self-defeating behaviors and become a better, more effective person. It suggests that people will often support and root for someone who is making an effort to improve. "If you want to succeed, remember that people will root for a reformed jerk more than they will for someone who has been nice all along."
• Actionable Steps and Practical Advice: Each chapter includes "Usable Insights" and "Action Steps" that provide concrete strategies for addressing specific self-defeating behaviors. These steps often involve self-reflection, communication exercises, and seeking feedback from others.
• Setting High Expectations: The author encourages readers to set ambitious goals and not to limit themselves based on perceived limitations. He uses the story of Leonard Kleinrock, the "father of the Internet" to highlight the importance of aiming high and persevering in the face of challenges.
• The Significance of Worth: The book concludes by emphasizing that true success involves not only accumulating wealth but also giving back to the world and making a positive difference in the lives of others. "Wealth is what you take from the world; worth is what you give back."

Specific Self-Defeating Behaviors Addressed (Examples from excerpts):

• Getting Defensive
• Staying Too Long in a Job You Should Leave
• Talking Over or At Others
• Being Competent But Out of Touch
• Not Listening
• Lacking Self-Discipline
• Thinking You're Indispensable (Egotism)
• People Pleasing
• Feeling Guilty
• Not Being Able to Take No for an Answer
• Not Forgiving
• Panicking
• Using Jargon
• Not Feeling Good Enough
• Fear of Learning New Things
• Being Too Blunt
• Being Closed Off to Input
• Being Unprepared
• Expecting Your Boss to Appreciate You
• Fear of Giving or Receiving Performance Reviews
• Making Excuses
• Focusing on Your Weaknesses
• Being Thin-Skinned
• Not Learning from Your Mistakes
• Not Getting Buy-In
• Being Devious
• Typecasting
• Setting Your Expectations Too Low
• Assuming Others Understand You
• Fear of Failing

Appendices:

The book includes helpful appendices:

• Appendix 1: "Where Self-Defeating Behavior Starts"
• Appendix 2: "How Self-Defeating Behavior Develops"
• Appendix 4: "The Self-Other Inventory" - a tool for performance reviews

Overall Impression:

"Get Out of Your Own Way at Work" provides a comprehensive and practical guide for identifying and overcoming self-defeating behaviors that can hinder professional success and personal fulfillment. The author's accessible writing style, combined with actionable steps and real-world examples, makes this book a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their performance and build stronger relationships in the workplace.

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